Sunday, September 25, 2011

Anger Management...?

Well, there are many things that angers me. Whenever I'm feeling really crappy; when things are not going the way I want or hope them to be, I tend to get angry even with the smallest me, I do. When a person is talking to me and I'm pissed, I either get pissed by it or i just ignore them without even meaning to do so. I know it's bad, but it's just that I don't really have the patience or even the energy to acknowledge them because all my energy is being worn out by my anger.

I would say that when it comes to controlling my anger, it's a 50/50 chance that I would be able to control it. Although, my ability to be able to control my anger depends on how angry I really am. I wouldn't necessarily explode all of a sudden on someone or something that easily. I would say that a person must have done something very wrong to me to make me explode on them. When I try to control my anger, I usually just close my eyes and breathe deeply...I guess you could consider that strategy as meditation. It usually help me calm my mind. Also when I'm at home, I like to go to my room and isolate myself from everyone and everything. I like to scream into my pillow and punch it. It helps me release all that steam that I've been keeping from the inside. It actually feels very refreshing after I do that and I think it's much better to do that than to release your anger to a person that has done nothing to you.

I would definitely be lying if I said that I've never exploded or "lost it" before because in all reality, I have “lost it” several times before. And when I do, I just black out; it’s like a totally different person comes out of me. There are things that I have said or done that I never want to happen. I lose that self-control. I don’t have control over me or the things that I say or do. Hurtful words and comments are said to that other person whenever I explode.

After such an outburst, there are many feelings that hover around me and it depends on whether who is at fault. Obviously, when someone had done such a nasty thing to me or if they were the one who started a fight with me, bursting into anger towards them makes me feel relieved. But if it is my own fault and that person that I exploded to was just trying to help me, of course I would feel very guilty and ashamed of what I've done to them. In the back of my head, i know that they cause no harm and just wanted to help. And that’s usually the reason why I would feel guilty and ashamed of what I've done to them. I never wanted things like that to happen in the first place.

Finally, to those who needs help controlling their anger, all I can really say is things that helps you calm down. Breathe deeply, close your eyes and think of things that would keep your mind away from the things that make you angry. It’s better to take your anger out on an object rather than take it out on a person. Violence is not the answer to anger...

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